Havoc on Olympus
by SopranoWithAnIdentityCrisis
Summary: When Percy and Annabeth are sent to Olympus to investigate the mysterious disappearance of Dionysus, they are not at all prepared for what they find there...
1. Olympus is Strangely Deserted

"Are you sure they're not having a council? Because I don't see anybody here other than us." Annabeth Chase pushed her blonde curls back behind her ears and raised her eyebrows questioningly.

Percy Jackson looked around confusedly and shook his head. "I thought Chiron said it should be fine. But you're right, this is odd."

Percy and Annabeth had been sent to Olympus to look for Dionysus, who hadn't shown up at camp for the last three days. As he usually never missed a single day, Chiron had assumed there was something wrong and decided to have someone try to find out where he was. They had come up the elevator to the six hundredth floor (after first having to convince the operator, again, that they were allowed up there) and found Olympus pretty much deserted.

"So what do we do?" Annabeth asked. For once, she didn't have a plan.

"Let's go to the throne room," Percy suggested, "and just peek in the door."

Annabeth shook her head. "Nice try, Seaweed Brain. And get blasted to bits? No thanks."

"You know, Wise Girl," Percy retorted as he started down the hall with Annabeth following, "my dad won't let us get blasted to bits. Or your mom either."

Annabeth winced. "My mom might. Remember when she voted to kill us?"

"But they didn't." Percy grinned triumphantly. "And now she likes me because I saved the world."

Annabeth snorted. "And said you couldn't have done it without the rest of us."

"I was teasing," Percy assured her. "Quiet, there's the throne room."

The two peeked into the throne room from each side of the door. Annabeth fully expected to be confronted with a dozen angry glares, but there was no one there but Hestia at the fire. This seemed completely normal until Annabeth's eyes landed on the end of Hestia's poker- it was stabbed into a marshmallow. She looked at Percy and tried desperately not to burst out laughing. "Hestia's roasting a marshmallow!" she whispered, stifling her giggles.

Percy had a hand clamped over his own mouth to stifle his own laughter. When they finally quieted down, he whispered, "But seriously, something's the matter here. Let's go talk to her." Annabeth nodded, and the two of them walked cautiously into the throne room.

Hestia looked up from her marshmallow as they approached. "Ah, Percy Jackson. You come just in time."

Percy looked like he was about to say something of a complaining nature, so Annabeth started talking before he could. "Just in time for what, my lady?"

"To do something about the situation here on Olympus," said Hestia. "Shall I show you?"

Percy nodded, followed by Annabeth, more reluctantly. Hestia started sending a scene into their minds...


	2. Zeus Narrowly Escapes Clobbering

_Zeus was skipping down one of the halls of Olympus, singing, "Doodleoodoodeedooooo!"_ Something's definitely wrong with this already, Annabeth thought.

 _He passed Hera, who glared at him and made the pronouncement, "I am_ divorcing _you."_

Both Percy and Annabeth's eyes flew open at that, and they stared at each other incredulously.

"Shall I continue?" Hestia asked.

"Yes!" they both exclaimed at once, and shut their eyes again.

 _Zeus ignored Hera and continued skipping. Then he crashed straight into Athena. "Dad, that is unwise," she scolded._

 _"How would you know?" Zeus asked skeptically._

 _Athena rolled her eyes. "I'm the goddess of wisdom. You're my dad. You should know that."_

Percy elbowed Annabeth and whispered, "Your mom sure is rude to her dad."

"Hush, Percy!" Annabeth hissed, elbowing him back.

 _Zeus ignored Athena too and kept skipping down the hall. Then he stopped and wrinkled his nose as if he smelled something. Then he shouted, "Aphrodite!"_

 _Aphrodite poked her head out of her room, with a bottle of perfume in her hand. "Yes?"_

 _"Aphrodite, kindly marry me," Zeus commanded._

 _Aphrodite cocked her head to one side and thought about that. "Umm... no."_

 _"Okay then, UNkindly marry me!"_

Annabeth opened her eyes and looked at Hestia. "What the- is Zeus insane?" There was a crash of thunder and she quickly shut both her eyes and her mouth.

 _"Umm... no."_

 _"Aphrodite!" Zeus whined. Then, seeing as she wasn't listening, kept skipping until he found Hestia roasting a marshmallow, and sat down next to her._

 _Apollo came up behind Zeus and tapped him on the shoulder. "How come you get to be king?"_

 _"Um, because I clobbered my dad?" Zeus replied a little hesitantly._

 _"Maybe I should clobber you, and then_ I'll _get to be king!" Apollo grinned evilly._

 _"NOOOOO!" Zeus screamed._

 _Hestia stuck her marshmallow on Apollo's face, and he began licking it and was thus distracted from clobbering Zeus._

The scene dissolved, and Percy and Annabeth looked at each other with wide eyes. "Well, you were right about there being a problem," Percy remarked.


	3. The Annoyance of Artemis

Before either Annabeth or Hestia could say anything in response to Percy's remark, there was a sound of approaching voices down one of the halls leading off the throne room. Hestia quickly stuck the two demigods into the fireplace to hide them (apparently the fire wasn't hot or something) as the other gods all came marching (literally) into the throne room and took their seats.

"And we shall continue the trials of Trial Day!" Zeus announced. "Hermes, bring in the next prisoner, please."

Hermes came in with a man following him. The man looked very annoyed, like he was being put on trial pointlessly, which he was. Hermes started reading from a scroll he produced out of thin air. "Charged with calling the gods..." he paused and shuddered, "as weak as peach pies."

All the gods gasped in synchronization.

"It's very unwise to insult us," Athena remarked nonchalantly. "It'll get you executed."

"Skip the vote, he's obviously guilty," Zeus directed, then turned to the man. "You have to be executed by one of my gods." He made a sweeping gesture around the circle of thrones. "Your choice."

"Artemis," said the accused, without hesitation.

Artemis huffed. "Why do I have to shoot _everyone_?"

"Because they _chose_ you, dear," Zeus replied. "I have to go by their choice or I'd be lying."

Artemis sighed and nocked an arrow. "Y'know, I've shot thirty-one people today not counting the ones I killed to save them from painful deaths."

Zeus glared at her. "Seriously."

"Fine." Artemis shot the man, who immediately disappeared into thin air.

Hermes left and shortly came back with someone else. "Charged with saying the gods are a bunch of fairy tales!"

The accused nodded. "They obviously are."

"Why don't we give Artemis a break?" Artemis suggested.

"I left my arrows in my room," Apollo said, yawning. "Let's make Aphrodite do it."

Aphrodite shook her head. "I can't kill people. Let's make Uncle Posy do it," she added, smiling sweetly.

Poseidon glared at his niece. "I am NOT your Uncle Posy! The name is POSEIDON. Capital P, O-S-E-I-D-O-N. Poseidon. Make Zeus kill him."

"You can't make me do anything, I'm the king!" retorted Zeus.

While the gods continued to argue over who had to carry out the next execution, the accused man just walked off down the hall. He was never heard from again, so it is to be presumed that he found his way to the elevator and escaped.

"ARTEMIS JUST SHOOT HIM," Zeus screamed (screaming was the only way to get the other gods to shut up), "OR ELSE I WILL CLOBBER YOU!"

"Nobody clobbers my sister!" Apollo shouted, brandishing a lyre at Zeus, as he didn't have his bow and arrows at the moment.

"He's gone," Hephaestus pointed out.

The gods all started arguing again, this time about whose fault it was that he had gotten away. The argument got so loud that Athena finally jumped up on her throne and shouted, "CALM DOWN!"

While the other gods were annoyed at Athena's breaking up their argument, they couldn't deny that she had the most claim on being the voice of reason, so they all stopped yelling at each other and sat down.

Meanwhile Percy and Annabeth had been watching and trying as hard as they could not to laugh.

"And so you see why I need your help," Hestia whispered into the fire.


	4. Zeus Is Clobbered For Real

After the gods broke up council and left in the directions of their various temples, Annabeth climbed out of the fireplace, followed by Percy. "Okay, we need a plan," she said. "Part One: Figure out why the gods are so insane. Myself, I can't help thinking Dionysus has something to do with it."

"No, they don't seem drunk to me," Percy disagreed.

" _Perseus_..." Annabeth sighed. "You need to brush up on your Greek mythology. Dionysus is the god of wine, feasting, _and also madness._ So."

Percy rolled his eyes. "Whatever. _You_ need to brush up on making plans. I say we spy on the gods."

"What did I just say earlier?"

"Well, you said a lot of things earlier..."

"I said, and I quote: 'Nice try, Seaweed Brain. And get blasted to bits? No thanks.'"

"And I said that my dad wouldn't let us."

"You don't know that. He's insane just like the rest of them. Except my mom." Annabeth smirked as she waited for Percy's retort.

"Well, guess what?" Percy mirrored the look on Annabeth's face. "My dad could beat your mom in a duel any day."

"Not if my mom were smart enough not to duel him in the first place. Which she is."

Percy sighed and threw up his hands. "Okay, okay, Wise Girl, you win."

Annabeth nodded, her grey eyes sparkling. "Thank you. Now about the plan. In this case I say it _is_ a good idea to spy on the gods."

At that comment, Percy looked at her like she had two heads. "But you just said-"

Annabeth cut him off. "My point was that you weren't listening. But now that we know the, um, _state_ of the gods, I think it's safe. So let's go."

After debating a little more about the specifics of the plan, the two demigods climbed up onto the wall of Zeus's temple, having decided to spy on him first. It didn't have any ceiling because Zeus wanted to be able to see the sky, so they had to settle for perching on the wall and hoping they didn't get found out or fall off, whichever happened first.

But as it turned out, they didn't need to worry. Zeus was much too occupied with another problem to notice them. Before he had been in his temple for two minutes, Apollo showed up and started talking without even saying hello. "So you were saying that you got to be king because you clobbered your dad."

"Yes, that's what I said," Zeus replied.

"And then I said that maybe I should clobber you, and then I'd get to be king," Apollo continued. _Oh, he definitely wouldn't,_ Annabeth thought.

Zeus started getting a little more cautious. "So what? You wouldn't really clobber your old man, would you?" He made the closest thing to a pleading puppy face that he could manage, causing the two spies to convulse into silent laughter.

Apollo put on the same evil grin that he'd had on in the vision from Hestia. "Yes, I would." And before Zeus could do anything, he smacked him on the head with his lyre. _Right, maybe he would._ "You have been clobbered!" proclaimed Apollo triumphantly. "This calls for a poem!" He thought a minute and then assumed a professional air and made the pronouncement:

" _I have clobbered Zeus.  
I am now king of the gods.  
Take that, you loser!_"

Zeus stared at Apollo, and then burst out wailing and screaming, "MY FINGER!" He stuck his finger into his mouth and continued to cry, while Apollo stuck his head out the window and yelled for "Uncle Hades."

Hades's head appeared in the room, floating in thin air. "Yes?"

"Stick him," Apollo said, pointing at Zeus, "in Tartarus for me, please."

Hades grinned. "I've been wanting to do that to him for a long time." His hand appeared in thin air, he snapped his fingers, and Zeus disappeared.


	5. Apollo Is Officially King

Percy and Annabeth both gasped in astonishment when Zeus disappeared, but fortunately Apollo was too busy rejoicing over the success of his clobbering to notice. He skipped out of Zeus's temple, and they jumped down off the wall and followed him at a safe distance.

Apollo marched into the throne room, where he found Artemis picking up her arrows, which were all on the floor from her executions. "Hey, Artemis, I'm king of the gods!" he announced. "Want to hear my haiku about how it happened?"

Artemis rolled her eyes and sighed, but permitted Apollo to recite his poem. "That was the worst yet," she said when he finished. "Not poetic language, you did get the syllables right but not the emphasis, and it isn't a poetic subject."

"But Artemis," Apollo protested, "it was my BEST yet! Really enthusiastic. And totally true. No fluff thrown in to fill the quota."

"I get the picture already. Get to the point," Artemis ordered.

"Well," said Apollo, "since I have no wife you're the queen because you're my sister. How'd you like to be queen of the gods?"

Artemis thought about that for a minute. "Well, it beats being bossed around by my stepmom."

* * *

The twin gods sat down on Zeus and Hera's thrones, and Percy and Annabeth held a quick conference a few rooms away.

"This is ridiculous," said Annabeth.

"Yes, I know that," said Percy. "Question is, what do we do about it?"

Annabeth smiled a bit. "Some people might think Olympus is in better hands now. But we should still get things back to normal. And get Zeus out of Tartarus."

"I know!" Percy exclaimed. "Let's call in the rest of the Seven. Or at least whoever we can find of the Seven. We make quite a team."

"I get the feeling Jason might try to kill Hades if we bring him in," Annabeth objected. "He might go on a conquest of Tartarus."

"Then we get Piper to charmspeak him," Percy suggested. "It works on you, it definitely works on Jason."

Annabeth sighed. "Whatever. I guess that'd work. Go find a fountain, would you?"

Percy looked blank. "What for?"

"So we can send Iris messages to the others." She rolled her eyes in evident amusement and pushed him in the direction of a courtyard. "Go on."

"Found one!" he yelled about five seconds later.

Annabeth shook her head and followed him, only to get blasted in the face with a stream of water. She spluttered and wiped water out of her eyes, shouting, " _Perseus Jackson_!"

Percy was standing by the fountain with a sheepish grin on his face. "Sorry, couldn't resist." He threw her a handful of gold coins. "Here's some drachmas."

Annabeth couldn't help laughing as she caught the drachmas. "You know, sometimes you're worse than the Hermes kids."

Percy snorted. "At no time in my life have I ever been worse than the Hermes kids, _Annabeth Chase_."

"Whatever," said Annabeth, and called the Aphrodite cabin. She could see Piper talking to a couple of other girls. They all looked over when Annabeth cleared her throat.

Piper looked at them curiously. "Hi, Annabeth, hi, Percy. What are you doing on Olympus?"

"To cut the story short," Annabeth replied, "Mr. D disappeared and we came here to investigate. Only to find that all the gods are insane."

"And you'll never believe what happened!" Percy cut in, sticking his head in front of Annabeth's face. "Apollo clobbered Zeus and took over!"

Piper just stared. "Really."

"Yes, really!" Percy asserted. "Smacked him on the head with his lyre and had Hades stick him in Tartarus!"

Annabeth finally succeeded in pushing Percy out of her way. "So we were going to call for some help. Anybody else there?"

Piper shook her head. "No. Jason, Hazel, and Frank are all at Camp Jupiter. And Leo is I have no idea where."

"Well, that'll work," said Annabeth. "Jason'd probably freak out, anyway, and maybe electrocute Olympus."

"And Thalia would take Apollo's side," Percy added. "Because it would mean Artemis would stay queen."

"Hey, Mom, could you do me a favor?" Piper asked the ceiling. "I need to get to Olympus, like, now." There was a flash of light and she was suddenly standing next to Annabeth. "Thanks!" she said, saluting thin air as the Iris message dissolved. Then she quickly glanced at her camp shirt and jeans. "Nice! For once she didn't try to give me a dress. So, where's Apollo? Let me at him!"

"You can't charmspeak a god, Piper," Annabeth pointed out.

Piper shrugged. "Sorry. I got excited. What's the plan?"

"I don't know, she's the one with the plan," said Percy, pointing at Annabeth.

"I don't know, he's the one with the plan," said Annabeth at the same time, pointing at Percy.

Piper laughed. "You two are two peas in a pod. No wonder you're dating."

Percy glared at her. "Who says we are?"

"Annabeth told me so," said Piper. "Besides, you have been for, oh, a year and a half. Everyone knows it."

"What about you and Jason?" Percy retorted. "Got you! Everyone knows about _that_ , too."

"You knew about me and Jason a _long_ time ago, Percy," Piper sighed. "And I never said that was a bad thing. Good luck knocking some sense into him, Annabeth."


	6. Iris Messages and Plotting Thievery

Percy was about to protest Piper's opinion of him, not to mention her opinion of Annabeth's intellect, but Piper cut him off by saying, "You should think up a plan."

And Percy was immediately in complete agreement, due to Piper having just charmspoken him.

"Okay, the best way to go about this is to find someone who works here and so maybe knows the gods' weaknesses," he offered helpfully.

Annabeth looked at Percy, and then Piper, in amazement. "That sure worked. Though I'd rather you ask me first before you charmspeak Percy," she added, in a scolding tone of voice.

"Because you're in love and so you're protective," said Piper mischievously.

"Piper, are you an expert on who's in love and who isn't?" Annabeth demanded.

"Yes," Piper retaliated promptly, "because my mom is the goddess of love, _excuse_ me."

Annabeth was very tempted to retaliate, but Percy interrupted the argument before she could. "So let's find someone who works here. Maybe one of Apollo's kids."

"And I think we may have just found one," Piper replied, pointing at the fountain.

There was now a girl sitting on the edge of it, who had obviously been listening to their conversation for some time. She was pretty, with long auburn hair falling down her back in loose waves. Her eyes were wide and light blue, and she was rather pale and thin. A violin made of reddish wood lay on the edge of the fountain next to her, and she had the bow in her hand. She gave the three a shy smile. "What do you need to know?"

"Something like how can we get Apollo to stop being the king," Percy said before Annabeth could talk. "And we need to get Zeus out of Tartarus."

"Apollo is her _dad_ ," Annabeth whispered. "Does she want to get him to stop being the king?"

"How do you know Apollo's her dad?" Percy whispered back.

Annabeth sighed. "Who else but an Apollo kid would carry a violin around?"

Percy shrugged. _That's Annabeth for you, always observant._

The girl nodded. "I know. He has been acting rather odd lately. His poems are not poetic, and he has been playing very badly." She demonstrated by plucking a few strings on her violin, randomly and unmelodiously.

"Well, would you mind giving us some useful information?" Piper requested sweetly.

She must have charmspoken by mistake, though, because Annabeth immediately started talking. "Well, Apollo's in the throne room, but I'm pretty sure it's just him and Artemis. Maybe if we stay by the walls they won't notice us."

"I wasn't talking to you," Piper informed her, as Percy tried not to snicker. "I was talking to her. What's your name, anyway?"

"Annabeth Chase, of course!"

"I'm still not talking to you, Annabeth."

"You were looking straight at me."

Piper's eyes sparkled with mischief. "To make sure you didn't do anything rash."

"Who is my mother, again?" Annabeth questioned indignantly. "Since when do I do anything rash?"

Piper raised her eyebrows. "Well, there was the time you went after that statue of Athena, insisting on doing it by yourself, broke your ankle, and fell into Tartarus..."

Annabeth shuddered. "Don't remind me. Besides, Arachne made me fall in. And Percy was the rash one, jumping in after me."

The red-haired girl cleared her throat. Annabeth looked quickly in her direction. "Oh, sorry. Piper was talking to you, wasn't she?"

"Yes, I was." Piper resumed the conversation. "So what _is_ your name?"

"Sapphire," the girl replied.

"Sapphire what?" Piper continued.

"Sapphire nothing. Just Sapphire. And the best way to get him out of the throne room is to somehow snatch his lyre," Sapphire added.

"And how do we go about doing that?" Percy wondered.

The four sat on the fountain thinking, until Annabeth suddenly snapped her fingers. "Sapphire, what is Apollo's lyre made of?"

Sapphire smiled. "All gold. It's beautiful."

"Perfect! Let's get Hazel in here so she can snatch it for us." Piper grabbed a drachma out of Annabeth's hand and threw it at the fountain. "Yoo-hoo, Hazel Levesque!"

Another portal opened up, revealing Hazel, who was up a tree. "Hello!" she called, waving.

"Hazel, could you get up here, please?" Annabeth asked. "To Olympus? We need some assistance stealing a gold lyre."

Hazel narrowed her eyes. "Don't tell me it's Apollo's? What are you thinking?"

"We're thinking we need to get Zeus back in his kingship instead of Apollo," said Annabeth.

"By stealing his lyre?" Hazel repeated incredulously. "Who are you and what have you done with Annabeth Chase?"

"Don't you be questioning Annabeth's judgment!" Percy said indignantly, shaking his finger at Hazel.

"Just get up here," Annabeth sighed.

"Okay, all right, be right there." Hazel jumped down out of the tree, ran out of view, and appeared behind Annabeth a few moments later. "Shadow travel," she explained to the bewildered-looking Sapphire. "So where is this lyre?"

"On the arm of Zeus's throne," said Piper. "And you'll have to be subtle so Apollo doesn't notice."

"Why has Zeus got Apollo's lyre?" Hazel asked, confused.

Percy snickered. "Good one, Hazel. We'll explain it later. Just go steal it."


	7. Athena the Beauty Queen

**A/N: I'm sorry for shortness, I thought I should update it sooner than later!**

* * *

The band of demigods, which had now increased to five, crept into the throne room and hid behind Apollo's original throne. From here they could see Apollo across the room in an animated conversation with Artemis. He was gesticulating wildly, and knocked his lyre off the arm of the chair without even realizing it.

Hazel seized her chance and summoned the lyre. It flew into her hands, and she and the others retreated behind Athena's temple, their next destination, suggested, of course, by Annabeth. After making sure no one was following them, the blonde girl knocked on the door, and it flew open immediately.

"Hello, Annabeth _darling_ ," said Athena dreamily from a side room where she was touching up her hair. _"_ How have things been going lately?"

Percy gave Annabeth a bewildered look. "Since when does your mom talk like that? And since when does she call you 'Annabeth _darling_ '? And since when does she fix her hair?"

"Um, let's go," Piper suggested, tugging Annabeth's arm. "She's acting like _my_ mom and we don't need two of my mom."

Annabeth put on a fake smile to cover her confusion. "Hi, Mom. We're just trying to save Olympus. We wondered if you would be able to help?"

"But of course, dear, but of course," said Athena, beaming. "What can I do for you and your boyfriend Romeo there?"

Annabeth elbowed her "boyfriend Romeo," who had just gone into a fit of laughter. "Mom, that's Percy Jackson, you remember him, the one I helped save the world?" She gave Percy a look that said _Don't do anything_ , which, of course, he ignored.

"Maybe I should call you Aphrodite instead of Athena and see how you like people calling you the wrong name!" He pulled out his pen and brandished it. "And you're scaring my girlfriend. Cut it out."

"Oh, Juliet isn't scared, are you, Annabeth?"

"Juliet" confiscated Percy's pen and gave it to Hazel for safekeeping. "Now, Mom, what do you know about how to get people out of Tartarus?"

"Through the elevators, of course, you're _my_ daughter, aren't you?" Athena slipped a last bobby pin into her hair and turned around to face them. "Whom, may I ask, are you trying to resurrect?"

"Your dad," said Annabeth shortly.

At the revelation that Zeus was in Tartarus, Athena fainted, and Percy made the obvious remark that they wouldn't be able to get anything more out of her. Then Piper suggested the counterintuitive idea of going to Aphrodite next, since maybe the two goddesses had switched identities. Having no better ideas herself, for once, Annabeth agreed, and so they set off to the other side of Olympus.


End file.
